A Single Dating Coach? You Bet I Am.

Recently, I’ve noticed an uptick in angry comments on my social media content. Now, I genuinely appreciate constructive feedback because I always want to improve. And I’m happy to ignore unconstructive comments or, better yet, kill them with kindness. But there’s one particular type of comment that worms its way into my psyche and stings like lemon juice in a paper cut you didn’t even realize was there.

“A single dating coach? That makes no sense. It’s like hiring a fat personal trainer or a poor financial advisor.” Yeah, this is a real comment I got on social media.

How can a single person make a good dating coach?

I suppose it’s a fair question. And it makes sense why it gets under my skin. I want to find my life partner, build a future with someone and I sometimes feel frustrated that I don’t have that, yet. But I’m also a great coach. I have a master’s degree and a life coaching certification and have been working as a coach or therapist in some capacity for the last 3 years. I truly love this work and I’m good at it, not in spite of my relationship status, but because of it!

Allow me to explain.

So, You’re Single?

Yep, I’m single.

Because it’s not just about meeting great potential partners (though that certainly improves the process). It’s about finding someone who truly aligns with your values, lifestyle and vision for the future, and not settling for anything less.

For example, I met a man I could see myself marrying. I could picture our future together and it was beautiful. But he moved away and neither of us were interested in a long-distance relationship. Our lifestyles didn’t align and that was okay.

Right now, I’m dating. I’m not on the dating apps and I live in a small town so options are certainly limited. And, to be honest, I’ve been focusing on other areas of life like self-care, mental health, social connections and my career. But dating takes intentional effort. And right now, I’m ready to get back out there. Because I actually love dating! It’s nerve-wracking and a little stressful but it’s also sweet and sparkly and ya girl loves a good makeout sesh.

These recent TikTok comments were definitely triggering but I’m grateful because they helped me realize that I’m so ready to get my flirt on.

Why I’m a Kickass Dating Coach 

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. Disney princess movies, teen chick-lit and rom-coms are my jam and my happy place. I love a happy couple, happy relationship and a happily ever after. But that shit is hard to achieve in real life. Because while our society places HUGE value on monogamous romantic relationships, no one really teaches us how to make those relationships not just work, but thrive.

While I was in grad school, one of my professors pointed out that we spend more time teaching people how to drive a car than we do teaching them how to build healthy relationships.

Frickin’ mic drop.

This pressure to find romantic companionship without guidelines is like trying to find a destination without a map. Or an address. Just a vague description of the building. We fumble along, hoping we’re doing things right, hitting dead ends and false summits, absolutely exhausting ourselves in the process. In my personal experience, that meant feeling outstandingly disempowered in the dating process, pursuing people who hurt me or made me feel less than. 

And I know it isn’t just me. So many people (women and femmes, especially), go through the dating process hoping to find someone who will love them, see them and care for them, only to fall into patterns of anxiety and disappointment. We end up getting ghosted, holding out for emotionally unavailable partners who never pick us, feeling sad and frustrated, asking ourselves:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“What am I doing wrong?”

“Am I asking for too much?”

And you know what? I got sick of that complete and total BS. 

I got tired of seeing beautiful, caring, intelligent, incredible people feeling bad about themselves, losing hope and abandoning their desires. I got tired of hearing people say that relationships are terribly hard work. Because while they take effort, intention and commitment, they don’t need to be a battle.

This isn’t just conjecture or hypotheticals taken from textbooks. This is my real-life experience, too. I went to therapy and coaching to confront my anxious attachment patterns, to examine my shadows and to understand my role in the patterns I so desperately wanted to escape. I shifted my mindset, got really clear on what I wanted in a partner and learned to show up as my best self, the version of myself I saw when I pictured my ideal future and my ideal relationship. I worked on my confidence and learned to value myself more than I valued a man’s attention or validation.

And it worked. I started going on dates that were genuinely fun. I met potential partners who were sweet and communicative and intentional. I felt infinitely more secure. And I got into the kinds of relationships I’d always dreamed of but had never before experienced.

If that can happen for me, then it can happen for anyone.

I wanted to share what I had learned, the shifts that brought me joy, fulfillment and, for the first time in a long time, hope.

I Get It

How can I, a single person, be an effective dating coach? Because I get it.

Not only have I been through the dating mill, I’m in it right now. I understand modern dating because I am a modern dater.

I’ve built relationships that kind of suck and I’ve built ones that exceed all my expectations. I know from professional and personal experience what it takes to build not just a good relationship but a truly outstanding one. And I’m learning new information all the time. As I hone my personal approach, I also perfect my professional approach.

Most importantly, though, I’m not settling. After 31 years on this planet, I know my worth, I know what I deserve, I know what I want and I refuse to settle. I’m fully committed to cultivating connections that are truly outstanding and truly fulfilling. Which means that I’m fully committed to helping you do the same. That means standing in your corner as a fierce advocate for you, for your long-term happiness, for your greatest future. That means I will never let you settle, either.

Do I want to see all my clients get into healthy, beautiful relationships? Of course. But what’s more important than that is seeing my clients living healthy, beautiful lives, building healthy, beautiful relationships with themselves. Because you deserve to live an incredible life right fucking now, a life that you love, a life that is full and fun and wonderful.

That partner will come. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that to be true. And as your coach, my job is to ensure that when that person shows up, you’re ready to invite them in, to show up as your most authentic self and let them be the cherry on top of your best life.

So, a single dating coach? You bet, baby.